In a world often quick to judge and define us by numbers, Hoda Kotb’s candid reflections on being an older mom offer a deeply moving and powerful counter-narrative. The beloved former TODAY co-anchor, a devoted mother to Haley, 8, and Hope, 6, has openly shared her personal evolution from experiencing an “ouch” at comments about her age to embracing the profound advantages that come with motherhood later in life. Her story is a beautiful testament to the idea that some of life’s greatest blessings arrive precisely when we are most prepared to receive them, enriched by years of living and learning.
It’s a common experience for many women who choose or find themselves on the path of older motherhood to face societal murmurs or even direct questions about their age. Hoda herself acknowledged the sting, saying, “Sometimes when people would say, ‘Oh, you’re an older mom,’ I kind of get an ouch, even though it’s true.” This vulnerability resonates with countless individuals who navigate similar terrains, often wrestling with internal doubts fueled by external perceptions. Yet, Hoda’s journey is not about succumbing to these pressures, but about rising above them, finding strength and conviction in her unique experience.
What changed for Hoda wasn’t just a shift in external circumstances, but a profound internal realization. She has come to understand that the very years that once invited “ouch” moments are, in fact, her greatest assets. Her story unfolds as an inspiring exploration of how a lifetime of experience, accumulated wisdom, and a deeply rooted sense of self can transform the parenting journey into something truly extraordinary. She now celebrates the fact that she comes “with wisdom now,” offering her daughters a foundation built on a rich tapestry of life.
1. **Discarding the “Ouch”: Embracing the Truth of an Older Mother’s Journey**Hoda Kotb candidly spoke about the discomfort she initially felt when her age as a mother was brought up. While the statement, “Oh, you’re an older mom,” was factually correct, she admitted, “I kind of get an ouch.” This feeling is deeply relatable for anyone who has felt scrutinized or misunderstood for their life choices, especially when those choices involve something as personal and profound as parenthood. It speaks to the subtle yet persistent societal pressures that can make individuals question their own path, even when it brings immense joy.
The sting of these comments often comes from an underlying assumption that there is a ‘right’ age to embark on motherhood, or that later-in-life parenting inherently carries disadvantages. For Hoda, who is 61 with a third grader and a first grader, the truth of her age was undeniable. However, the emotional ‘ouch’ was a response to the implied judgment, a feeling she consciously chose to address and eventually discard. Her journey highlights the powerful internal work required to navigate external perceptions and cultivate self-acceptance.
Ultimately, Hoda found a way to “sit in the fact” of her age, transforming that initial “ouch” into a source of strength. She realized that instead of allowing others’ perceptions to define her experience, she could redefine it for herself. This shift in mindset allowed her to fully embrace the reality of her situation, not as a drawback, but as a unique advantage, filled with a newfound sense of confidence and wisdom that she brings to her daughters every single day.
2. **The Advantage of Wisdom: Life Experience as a Parenting Superpower**Hoda deeply believes that the vast experience she has accumulated throughout her life has provided her with an undeniable advantage in raising her children. She reflected on how many parents start their journey in their 20s or early 30s, a time when “you don’t know anything about who you are. You’re imparting your parents’ values on your kids. You’re just doing what we all do.” Her perspective suggests that a crucial part of effective parenting comes from a place of self-awareness and a developed personal philosophy, which often crystallizes with age and experience.
Having lived a significant portion of her life before becoming a mother, Hoda brings a seasoned perspective to the daily challenges and joys of raising children. This isn’t just about chronological age, but about the lessons learned, the resilience built, and the insights gained from navigating various life situations. These experiences form a rich tapestry that she can draw upon, offering her children a depth of understanding and guidance that might not be available to a younger parent still discovering their own identity.
The wisdom she speaks of isn’t merely academic; it’s practical, emotional, and deeply personal. It’s the kind of wisdom that informs her interactions, shapes her responses, and allows her to approach parenting with a grounded, thoughtful presence. This accumulated life wisdom, she contends, is a precious gift she offers to Haley and Hope, allowing them to benefit from a parent who has truly “lived a life to know.”
3. **Enhanced Patience and Emotional Stability: A Calmer Approach to Parenthood**One of the significant shifts Hoda observes in herself as an older parent is an enhanced capacity for patience and emotional regulation. She candidly admitted, “although I still lose it often, I think I lose it less than I would’ve in my 30s.” This self-awareness highlights a key benefit of maturity: the ability to navigate stressful situations with greater composure and a more measured response, even amidst the inevitable chaos that comes with raising young children.
The demanding nature of parenthood can test anyone’s limits, but for Hoda, the passage of time has seemingly cultivated a deeper reservoir of calm. This isn’t to say that all challenges vanish, but rather that her approach to them has evolved. This greater emotional stability means that her daughters are likely experiencing a parent who is more reflective, less prone to knee-jerk reactions, and better equipped to model resilient coping mechanisms during trying times.
This valuable attribute of increased patience allows for a more harmonious family environment, fostering understanding and reducing unnecessary friction. It underpins her ability to connect more deeply with her children, as she is less consumed by personal anxieties and more present in the moment. It’s a testament to how personal growth, often spurred by life’s experiences, can directly and positively impact the dynamics of family life.
4. **Imparting Deeper Values: “Thoughts Become Things” and Beyond**As an older mother, Hoda finds herself imparting profound life lessons to her children that she might never have considered or articulated in her younger years. A prime example is the powerful concept she shares with Haley and Hope: “Thoughts become things.” She vividly described explaining this to them, “They go, ‘What?’ I go, ‘Thoughts become things. What you think will be. Thoughts become things. You think you’re going to fall off your bike? Watch. You think you’re going to stand up? Watch.'” This isn’t just a casual piece of advice; it’s a foundational principle for cultivating a positive mindset and understanding the power of intention.
These are “little bits and pieces, things that I would’ve never thought of or even said in my 30s, or even my 40s, maybe,” she reflected. This insight underscores the notion that certain wisdom can only be gained through lived experience and reflection over time. It’s the kind of wisdom that equips children not just with practical skills, but with a robust psychological framework for approaching life’s challenges and opportunities.
By teaching such empowering philosophies, Hoda is providing her daughters with invaluable tools for self-discovery and resilience. She’s nurturing their capacity for belief in themselves and for understanding the profound connection between their inner world and their external reality. This intentional imparting of deeper values speaks to a parenting approach that prioritizes mental and emotional fortitude, a gift that will undoubtedly serve her children throughout their lives.
5. **The Joy of Deep Knowing: Unlocking Profound Connection**When asked by Jenna Bush Hager what brings her the most joy now, Hoda’s answer was immediate and heartfelt: “Conversations and a deep knowing of my kids.” This response illuminates a core element of her fulfillment as an older mother—the profound, rich connection she shares with Haley and Hope, born from dedicated presence and active listening. She confessed, “I don’t think I knew them that well before,” referring to an earlier, perhaps more superficial stage of their relationship.
The deepening of this connection comes from a conscious effort to “sit with them and see them and listen to them and soak in all the stuff that they’re telling me.” This deliberate act of engagement allows her to move beyond surface-level interactions and truly understand the intricacies of their developing personalities, their thoughts, and their feelings. This kind of attentive parenting fosters a secure and loving environment where children feel genuinely seen and heard.
For Hoda, this “deep knowing” brings “incredible joy.” It’s a joy that stems from a reciprocal relationship where mutual understanding flourishes. It underscores the idea that the quality of time spent, particularly in heartfelt dialogue and attentive presence, far outweighs any quantitative measure. This profound connection is a testament to the emotional rewards that unfold when a parent fully invests themselves in the unique world of their children.
6. **”In My Own Skin”: The Power of Self-Acceptance in Motherhood**Hoda’s reflections on being an older mom frequently touch upon a powerful sense of self-acceptance and authenticity. She previously stated in 2022 during TODAY’s fourth hour, “I’m in my own skin. I know who I am. I’ve got much more patience and love and all that stuff.” This declaration speaks volumes about the peace and confidence that often accompany maturity, qualities that are profoundly beneficial in the demanding yet rewarding role of motherhood.
Being “in your own skin” means that Hoda is parenting from a place of genuine self-assurance, unburdened by the insecurities that might plague younger individuals still navigating their personal identities. This allows her to focus entirely on her daughters’ needs and growth, rather than projecting her own unresolved issues onto them. Her settled sense of self provides a stable, loving anchor for her family.
This deep comfort with who she is translates into an abundance of “patience and love” for her children. It’s a love that is expansive and unconditional, offered freely from a heart that feels whole and complete. This self-acceptance is not just a personal boon, but a significant asset for her children, who benefit from a mother who is emotionally robust, self-aware, and fully present in their lives without internal conflict.
7. **Navigating the “Wait, you’re their mother?” Query: Reclaiming Her Narrative**Despite her deep joy and confidence, Hoda acknowledges that not all external interactions are entirely positive. She shared instances where people would come up to her and say, ‘Wait, you’re their mother?’” This question, while seemingly innocuous, carries an implicit surprise, and for Hoda, it occasionally triggers that familiar “ouch” feeling. It forces her to confront the lingering societal perceptions about age and parenthood, even when she herself has moved past them.
Hoda revealed that she would “wrestle with why that question would bother her,” especially since she loved being a mom and was so content in that chapter of her life. This wrestling reflects the subtle but persistent nature of external judgment, which can momentarily dislodge even the most secure individual. It’s a reminder that while one can achieve internal peace, the world outside sometimes still presents challenges to that peace.
However, Hoda’s strength lies in her ability to process and move past these moments. She understands that while there are “these moments that you feel an ‘ouch’,” they do not define her reality or diminish her profound happiness. Her willingness to share this vulnerability, and her subsequent reaffirmation of her joy, serves as an empowering example for anyone who faces similar questions about their personal choices. She reclaims her narrative not by dismissing the question, but by standing firm in the unshakeable truth of her delighted motherhood.
8. **Confronting Direct Criticism: The Harsh Reality of an ‘Older Mom’ Letter**Even with Hoda’s radiant joy and profound self-acceptance, the path of older motherhood isn’t entirely immune to external negativity. She candidly shared an incredibly poignant experience of receiving a handwritten letter at her home, filled with harsh criticism about her decision. The letter’s message was scathing: “How dare you, bringing a child into this world at your age. Don’t you know what you’re doing to that child?” This direct, personal attack undoubtedly took her by surprise, cutting through the happiness she has so clearly found.
Such an experience reminds us that even the most secure individuals can be momentarily shaken by uninvited judgment. Hoda admitted the letter “took my breath away,” highlighting the deep sting of such uncalled-for scrutiny. It underscores the persistent societal pressures and often unspoken expectations placed upon women, especially concerning their choices around motherhood and family, regardless of how much joy and love those choices bring into their lives.
Yet, true to her resilient spirit, Hoda found strength in reflection. She drew upon her own formative experiences, particularly the enduring impact of her father. She realized that the foundation a parent lays, filled with love and lessons, transcends the mere duration of time spent together. This perspective allowed her to once again reaffirm her profound belief in her journey, transforming the breath-taking ‘ouch’ into a testament of unwavering conviction.
9. **The Unshakeable Foundation: Her Father’s Legacy as a Guiding Light**Hoda Kotb’s personal journey to motherhood, especially later in life, is deeply intertwined with the profound and enduring influence of her late father, Abdel Kader Kotb. She openly shared the heartbreaking experience of his sudden death from a heart attack at the age of 51, when she was merely a junior in college. This early loss undeniably shaped her perspective on life, time, and the precious, finite nature of our relationships with those we love most.
When confronting criticism about her age as a mother, Hoda often returns to the wisdom gleaned from her father’s legacy. She reflected, “My dad passed when I was in college… I know the foundation he left. I know it was worth every second of that time.” This powerful realization allowed her to reframe the conversation around age, shifting the focus from quantity of years to the quality and depth of the bond, and the indelible lessons imparted during that time.
This insight is particularly poignant for older parents, who may privately grapple with concerns about the future. Hoda’s father, in his relatively short time, instilled in her an unshakeable foundation that continues to guide her. This understanding empowered her, reinforcing her belief that she too could lay a similar, robust foundation for Haley and Hope, enriching their lives with profound love, wisdom, and resilience, irrespective of societal timelines.
For Hoda, her father’s memory isn’t a source of anxiety, but a powerful affirmation. It’s a reminder that the essence of parenting lies in creating deep, meaningful connections and imparting lasting values. She understands that the love and teachings she shares with her daughters today will be the guiding stars in their lives long into the future, a beautiful echo of her own father’s impact.
10. **Love, Not Age: The Defining Principle of Her Motherhood**At the heart of Hoda Kotb’s inspiring narrative is an unwavering conviction: love, not age, is the true measure of a parent. When faced with the lingering whispers and direct questions about her being an older mom, Hoda’s response has become a powerful mantra: “I don’t care.” This isn’t a dismissal of the reality, but a profound declaration that her immense joy and fulfillment in motherhood eclipse any external judgment or societal expectation.
For Hoda, the decision to become a mother through adoption, after a breast cancer diagnosis left her unable to conceive, was born from a deep wellspring of love. It was a choice rooted in a desire to nurture, to connect, and to experience the boundless joys of raising children. This love is so all-encompassing that it renders any ‘ouch’ moment about her age insignificant in the grand tapestry of her family life.
She lives by the philosophy that when you lead with delight and love, it’s what you receive in return. This profound belief allows her to embrace her unique path, confident that the qualities she brings to her daughters – patience, wisdom, emotional stability, and an abundance of unconditional love – are precisely what they need. Her age, far from being a deficit, is simply another facet of the rich, experienced person she is, pouring herself wholeheartedly into her children.
Ultimately, Hoda’s journey is an empowering message to anyone navigating unconventional paths to parenthood: the capacity to love, nurture, and guide a child is not confined by numbers on a calendar. It is a state of being, a readiness of the heart, and a profound commitment that can blossom beautifully at any stage of life.
11. **The Gift of Each Other: Gratitude for Her Daughters’ Enduring Bond**Among the many blessings Hoda Kotb counts in her life, one holds a particularly special place in her heart: the enduring bond between her daughters, Haley and Hope. She articulates this profound gratitude with heartfelt sincerity, stating, “They’re going to have each other forever, and that’s what really fills me to the top.” This sentiment speaks volumes about her vision for her family, extending beyond her immediate presence and into the distant future.
For any older parent, a “secret fear” often lurks in the background – the apprehension of not being present for all of their children’s significant milestones. Hoda openly acknowledged this vulnerability, a deeply relatable concern for those who embark on parenthood later in life. In this context, the sisterly connection between Haley and Hope becomes an incredible source of comfort and peace for Hoda, alleviating some of those natural anxieties.
Knowing her daughters will always have each other provides an unparalleled sense of security. It’s a recognition that long after she has laid her foundation, they will continue to have a built-in support system, a confidante, and a lifelong companion. This foresight into their future, and the deep joy she derives from anticipating their mutual support, truly embodies the selfless and profound love of a parent.
12. **Navigating the ‘Math’: Addressing Fears About Milestones**With characteristic honesty and vulnerability, Hoda Kotb has openly discussed a reality many older parents quietly grapple with: the occasional “anxiety” that arises when contemplating the future. She admitted to sometimes “doing the math” – a natural, yet often unsettling, exercise of comparing her age to her daughters’ and wondering what milestones she might be there to witness. This raw confession makes her journey even more relatable and human.
These anxieties often manifest as questions about the grander moments in life, such as, “Do I get to see them get married? Maybe. That would be really good. Or do I get to see them have a child? Maybe. That would be really good.” These are not just fleeting thoughts, but deeply personal hopes and dreams that every parent holds for their children’s futures, made more poignant when faced with the ticking clock.
However, Hoda’s resilience shines through even in these moments of vulnerability. She contrasted her own anxieties with the realization that she might actually have more years with her daughters than she had with her own beloved father. This shift in perspective transforms potential apprehension into a renewed sense of gratitude and a determination to cherish every moment, focusing on the quality and depth of their shared experiences.
This willingness to share such a private fear, and her subsequent ability to find hope and gratitude within it, is a powerful lesson. It demonstrates that while certain anxieties are an inevitable part of the human experience, especially in parenthood, they can be navigated with grace, perspective, and an unwavering commitment to making the most of the present moment.
13. **Unwavering Resolve: Standing Firm in Her Decisions**Throughout her journey as an older mom, Hoda Kotb’s unwavering resolve stands out as a beacon of strength and conviction. Her declaration that Haley and Hope were “the best decisions [she’s] ever made” is more than just a statement; it’s a powerful affirmation of a life lived authentically and purposefully. This deep-seated certainty allows her to navigate external criticisms and personal anxieties with a remarkable sense of peace.
This resolve is evident in her response to both poignant memories and lingering questions. When discussing her father’s passing, even as tears welled in her eyes, she could laugh and wipe them away, showcasing a profound emotional resilience. This ability to fully feel and process deeply personal moments, without letting them diminish her current joy, speaks volumes about her inner fortitude and self-awareness.
Her secure footing “in her own skin” means she doesn’t feel the need to resort to self-deprecating humor or justifications, a path that Sienna Miller, another older mom, mentioned considering. Hoda’s confidence allows her to present her motherhood unapologetically, letting her delight and love for her children speak for themselves. This authentic self-expression serves as an inspiring example for anyone navigating personal choices under public scrutiny.
Ultimately, Hoda’s unshakeable belief in her choices, driven by love and a deep sense of purpose, is her strongest defense against any ‘ouch’ moment. Her profound happiness and the undeniable bond she shares with her daughters are the ultimate testament to the enduring power and rightness of her decisions.
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14. **Modern Family Dynamics: The Strength of Co-Parenting**Hoda Kotb’s approach to family life extends beyond her individual journey as an older mother; it encompasses her dedication to creating a stable and loving environment through admirable co-parenting. Despite announcing her split from ex-fiancé Joel Schiffman in January 2022, they continue to raise their daughters, Haley and Hope, together, demonstrating a profound commitment to their children’s well-being.
This isn’t merely a formal arrangement; it’s a visible, active partnership that prioritizes their children’s happiness. The context provides heartwarming examples of their continued familial bond, such as the former couple wearing matching rainbow costumes for Halloween with their daughters. This delightful act signifies a harmonious relationship focused on shared joy and creating cherished memories for Haley and Hope.
Furthermore, Hoda has a Christmas stocking for Joel Schiffman hanging inside her New York City apartment, a small yet incredibly meaningful gesture. It symbolizes a continued place for him within their immediate family unit, reinforcing stability and love for their daughters. This thoughtful inclusion illustrates a mature and selfless approach to co-parenting, where the children’s sense of family continuity is paramount.
Through these actions, Hoda not only ensures her daughters experience a loving and stable upbringing but also models a resilient and constructive approach to modern family dynamics. Her ability to maintain a positive and integrated relationship with Joel, for the sake of their children, further solidifies the unshakeable foundation of love, respect, and mutual support that defines her extraordinary journey as a mom.
Hoda Kotb’s journey as an older mom is a vibrant tapestry woven with threads of vulnerability, wisdom, and an abundance of love. Her story is a powerful reminder that true parenthood is a state of being, rich with experience, profound connections, and courageous choices. It teaches us that while the world may sometimes deliver an ‘ouch,’ we have the inherent strength to transform those moments into ‘oh, wow’ realizations, leading with delight, nurturing deep knowing, and building an unshakeable foundation for the next generation. Her life is a beautiful testament to the idea that some of life’s greatest blessings arrive precisely when we are most prepared to receive them, enriched by years of living and learning.
