Despite holiday season being termed ‘the most wonderful time of year’, it can be a time of immense stress as well as ceaseless obligation for many – especially women. Typically, it is women who are responsible for orchestrating the magic of holidays: baking Thanksgiving dinner or wrapping every gift just right. Nearly half of women admit to shouldering the lion’s share of holiday cooking duties, a stark difference from the majority of men, who only a quarter take on.
In the whirl of festive duties I found that I was not just overwhelmed, but I was questioning my motivations. The holidays were such a headache for parent, as strong as the school and familial schedules were filled with it already. However my initial enthusiasm for building a quintessential ‘American’ holiday experience ultimately wound up reinforcing a cycle of stress and expectation that I didn’t actually value.
What my husband noticed as the catalyst for change was a simple observation – that the preparations were more stressful than joyful for me. His offhand remark about being perfectly content with Chinese takeout for holiday meals prompted a reflection: How was I obediently following traditions that were making my head spin and leaving me unfulfilled and frazzled?
This introspection led to a revolutionary decision: I decided to stop doing the holiday hustle I thought was burdensome. The result? A surprising lack of fallout. When my family came home as disabled vets, there simply wasn’t a ghost of a ghost of anything that should be there anymore, and those few who correctly lamented the loss of the occasional Christmas letter or card got over it quickly.
Later, my children, who were initially used to a more elaborate holiday set up, began to take control of their own festive lives. They decorated what they could, they planned for Halloween, even how to split on the timing of getting presents. Not only did this take the exhausting holiday chores off of me, but it showed me that they could also put a face to their responsibility and creativity.
However, the challenge it brought was obviously the transition to a less involved approach. Of course, their comments and expectations came from family and friends who knew my previous level of engagement. However, the trick was to manage these expectations and set boundaries. As far as complaints or yearning for old traditions went, I threw myself under their entrepreneurship and offered my vocal support for others to do likewise.
The more emotionally labor intensive responsibilities became an emphasis in delegating. Surprisingly, if anyone missed the orchestrations I used to perform, I was fine with them stepping in, and it’s actually given me more of a relaxed and fun holiday atmosphere for everyone.
This newfound holiday peace relied on managing expectations. I used to make changes to my household’s narrative and my family not only accepted, but learned to appreciate our scaled back celebrations. Taking this into account, this ongoing lesson in expectation management went beyond the holidays and instead lives into our regularly life, promoting a more well-rounded, less stressful lifestyle. Unfortunately, this drastic simplification wasn’t without its effort; I had to work hard to communicate with my family. I were to explain to them why and show them I was serious about this whole new way of doing things, they began to warm to the idea. So when they did actually value something that happened on the holiday, they’d somehow manage to fit it in, and using more creativity and enthusiasm than I could ever muster under duress.
Now, holidays are not only enjoyable, but a time for real connection. Letting go of the required seasonality pressures allowed me to live a more honest life. When I stepped back our family stepped up, allowing us all to have a more inclusive and joyful holiday.
Now let’s have a look at the practical steps that can transform your holiday from stress and obligation to moments of joy and relaxation. It starts with a mind shifting maneuver: that we aren’t shackled to the traditional holiday norms leading to stress. What we should instead do is to live off a philosophy of doing less and then enjoying more.
There are few easier ways to alleviate the stress of the holiday time of year than to establish clear boundaries — both with yourself and with those around you. It’s about communication and honesty. Say to your family and close friends why you’re skipping some traditions or scaling back on holiday activities. Reassure them that this is not a sign that you’re losing control or becoming more rigid—it’s your effort to create a somewhat more relaxed environment for everyone involved.
Another essential step is delegation. This has nothing to do with shirking responsibility, it’s about dividing tasks so that everyone in the household contributes to making the holiday magical. For starters, give children age appropriate tasks like decorating or gift wrapping. Empower your partner to also take part in the work of holiday planning and preparation. Not only does this relieve your load but it will unite the family members together creating a sense of oneness and cooperation.
Another helpful tip with hard and bitter truths to offer is to simplify holiday traditions. Think about those activities which are genuinely a source of joy and those which are more like an obligation. Choose the ones to send priorities and release all the rest. Take a large undertaking, like baking dozens of cookies for a holiday party, and break it down into something smaller, like a smaller batch, or purchasing them from a local bakery.
Embracing a more relaxed way of approaching the holiday season can help us find that intangible joy and connection they tend to get lost in their search for perfection. It’s about making a holiday where we want to align with who we are and give ourselves and our loved one’s genuine happiness. This year, don’t try to do so much and be so busy, and enjoy all that the holiday magic brings in the most wonderful ways.
Related posts:
My Underwhelming Approach to Holiday Merriment Saves Me So Much Stress
The Mental Load of the Holidays Is Taking a Heavy Toll On Moms
Already feeling overwhelmed by the holidays?
