Living in a neighborhood is a unique experience, a delicate balance of shared spaces, unspoken agreements, and the potential for genuine community. It’s where the fabric of our daily lives intertwines with those living closest to us, creating a tapestry of interactions that can either be wonderfully supportive or, let’s be honest, downright frustrating. We all strive to be good neighbors, hoping to foster a friendly environment where help, support, and friendship can flourish.
However, sometimes, without even realizing it, our actions might inadvertently step over a line, turning us into the very “bad neighbor” we’d rather avoid. Etiquette experts like Jan Goss, Diane Gottsman, and Bonnie Tsai have dedicated years to understanding these dynamics, revealing that maintaining a good relationship with your neighbors is far more crucial than many people realize. They are, after all, the folks nearest to you, ready to offer a helping hand when you least expect it.
So, how do we ensure we’re contributing positively to our community and not unwittingly becoming the source of neighborhood drama? It’s time to take a candid look at some common pitfalls. We’re diving deep into 15 specific habits that, according to these seasoned etiquette professionals, you should absolutely avoid at all costs if you want to be a truly great neighbor. Let’s explore these insights, not with judgment, but with a friendly, solution-oriented approach to making our neighborhoods better places for everyone.
1. **Complaining about your neighbors on social media**In our hyper-connected world, social media platforms like Nextdoor and Facebook have become digital town squares. While they offer fantastic opportunities to unite local communities, they can also quickly devolve into ground zero for neighborhood conflicts. It’s incredibly easy to vent frustrations online, whether it’s about a barking dog, an untidy lawn, or a late-night party.
However, as Diane Gottsman, a national etiquette expert, eloquently states, “If your first instinct is to post about the problem on the internet—whether you use their name or not—then you’re the bad neighbor.” This form of communication is often perceived as passive-aggressive, allowing individuals to hide behind a keyboard rather than addressing issues directly. It creates tension and often escalates minor annoyances into full-blown feuds, poisoning the online atmosphere for everyone.
Instead, Gottsman advises a more direct and mature approach: “It’s much better to try and resolve the situation in person first.” Jan Goss echoes this sentiment, recommending, “Never say anything online that you wouldn’t say to someone’s face, and don’t use anonymity as an excuse to be rude.” A calm, in-person conversation or even a phone call should always be the initial step in conflict resolution, fostering understanding rather than digital animosity.
If a calm, in-person discussion doesn’t yield results, there are still avenues for escalation beyond social media. You can consider involving your homeowners association (HOA), if applicable, or even the authorities if the issue presents a genuine legal concern. The goal is to solve the problem, not to shame or provoke, and doing so face-to-face or through official channels is always the more respectful and effective route.
Read more about: You Won’t Believe How Gross These 14 Common Household Items Actually Are: Your Ultimate Germ Hotspot Guide!
2. **Aggressively recruiting your neighbors for your business**Neighborhood gatherings are wonderful occasions for building camaraderie and getting to know the people who share your street. There’s a natural inclination to support local businesses and celebrate the entrepreneurial spirit of friends. However, this supportive atmosphere can be inadvertently exploited when individuals aggressively recruit neighbors for multi-level marketing (MLM) businesses.
Diane Gottsman highlights the self-serving nature of these aggressive recruitment tactics, noting, “These types of multi-level marketing businesses are very self-serving; your neighbors are not there to be your source of income.” While promoting your passion is understandable, repeatedly pushing products or recruitment opportunities, such as essential oils, makeup, or cooking products, can quickly strain neighborly goodwill. The boundary between friendly support and unwelcome solicitation can easily become blurred.
A good rule of thumb, according to Gottsman, is to “ask if they’re interested once.” If they decline, gracefully accept their decision and move on. “To keep pursuing the matter after they’ve said no is rude,” she emphasizes. The intent of neighborly interaction should be genuine connection and community building, not a constant sales pitch.
Furthermore, a truly egregious misstep is to trick neighbors into sales events by disguising them as casual social gatherings, like a “girls’ night out” or a “spa day.” This deceptive approach undermines trust and transforms what should be a pleasant social interaction into a high-pressure sales environment. Genuine relationships are built on honesty and respect, not on exploiting neighborly connections for personal financial gain.
Read more about: Mastering the Road: 14 Lifehacker-Approved Strategies to Calmly Navigate Aggressive Drivers and Stay Safe
3. **Pirating your neighbors’ Wi-Fi**In our modern digital landscape, the convenience of constant internet access is often taken for granted. When you scan for Wi-Fi networks, you’ll undoubtedly see a list of your neighbors’ connections alongside your own. While some networks remain unprotected, and others might have easily guessed passwords, accessing a neighbor’s Wi-Fi without explicit permission is a significant breach of etiquette and privacy.
Gottsman underscores the seriousness of this seemingly harmless act: “It may seem harmless, but your neighbor is paying for that service, the equipment and the electricity.” Beyond the financial implication, using someone else’s network without consent also impacts their service speed, essentially stealing resources they pay for. It’s the digital equivalent of using their water hose to water your lawn without asking – a definite no-no.
Moreover, pirating Wi-Fi isn’t just about resource theft; it carries significant security risks for both parties. As Gottsman points out, it “can also create a security issue, allowing them to steal your personal information if it goes over their network.” This means that avoiding this rude habit is as much for your own digital safety as it is for your neighbor’s, highlighting the importance of securing your personal data.
The solution here is straightforward: “Pay for your own Wi-Fi.” If you’re visiting a neighbor for an extended period and your cell service is spotty, it’s perfectly acceptable to politely ask if you can use their Wi-Fi. However, as Goss advises, always remember to disconnect and reconnect to your own secure network once you’ve returned home. This simple act respects their privacy, security, and the resources they pay for.
4. **Posting pictures of other people’s children**The digital age has instilled in many of us a powerful impulse to share nearly every aspect of our lives online, from heartwarming moments to even minor disagreements. This extends to photographs, and while it’s natural to capture joyful scenes, a critical netiquette rule often goes overlooked: posting pictures of other people’s children on the internet is inherently rude and potentially problematic.
Diane Gottsman emphasizes that “Parents have different levels of comfort when it comes to privacy.” What one parent considers an innocent snapshot, another might view as a significant privacy violation. Unless you have obtained explicit, clear permission from the child’s parents, it is always best to err on the side of caution and refrain from sharing their children’s images online. This respect for privacy extends beyond just images; it also applies to the comments you make.
It’s crucial to be exceptionally mindful of the commentary you add to any pictures your neighbors post, especially those featuring children. Avoid anything that could be construed as “creepy, judgmental or that could be taken in a bad way,” Gottsman cautions, even if your intentions are entirely innocent. The digital realm is rife with misinterpretation, and a seemingly harmless comment can cause undue distress or be viewed negatively by others.
The simple, golden rule for navigating this digital minefield is to “Always ask permission before posting pictures of other people’s children online,” as Gottsman firmly advises. If you find yourself with concerns or a problem related to another neighbor’s children, the most appropriate and respectful course of action is to speak directly and privately with their parents in person, rather than airing concerns or photos online.
5. **Ignoring your neighbor when passing on the sidewalk**In an era dominated by screens and personal devices, it’s increasingly common to find ourselves absorbed in our phones, often oblivious to the world unfolding around us. While it might be acceptable to maintain a degree of anonymity when walking through a busy city, the rules of engagement shift dramatically when you encounter a neighbor on your street or sidewalk. Deliberately ignoring them is a clear breach of basic neighborly courtesy.
Bonnie Tsai, founder of Beyond Etiquette, unequivocally states, “It’s rude to not acknowledge your neighbor.” This seemingly small act of oversight can make you appear “arrogant or uncaring,” sending an unintentional message that you don’t value the people living closest to you. Such behavior erodes the foundational politeness necessary for a cohesive community, making interactions awkward and relationships distant.
Beyond mere politeness, Jan Goss highlights a deeper consequence of ignoring neighbors: “You’re missing vital opportunities to connect with those who are closest to you in proximity.” Neighbors are the bedrock of local community, and even minimal, polite interactions contribute to a sense of belonging and mutual respect. These small moments can pave the way for future support, help, and even genuine friendships, which are invaluable.
So, what’s the remedy? Even for introverts, the effort required is minimal. A polite nod, a friendly smile, a simple wave, or a quick exchange of pleasantries is often all it takes. These brief acknowledgments are powerful tools for establishing and maintaining respectful terms with those who share your neighborhood. It’s about showing you recognize and value their presence in your shared community space.
6. **Letting your dog poop on your neighbor’s lawn and not picking it up**Among the myriad of potential neighborly “sins,” few ignite as much ire and frustration as the habit of not picking up after your dog. This isn’t just a matter of inconvenience; it’s a significant breach of both etiquette and basic hygiene, deeply riling those who take pride in their property and community spaces. Erin Askeland, a certified pet behavior expert, sums it up succinctly: “Not only is it rude, but it’s gross.”
The implications extend beyond mere unpleasantness. Askeland further explains that “Dog excrement can transmit diseases, damage plants and grass, and, let’s be honest, doesn’t have the most pleasant smell.” Allowing it to remain on a neighbor’s lawn or in a shared public space creates a health hazard, defaces property, and contributes to an unsanitary environment for everyone. It shows a profound disregard for communal well-being and a lack of responsibility.
The solution to this common problem is both simple and non-negotiable for any responsible pet owner: “Bring poop bags with you every time you take your dog out—and use them.” Askeland stresses, “It’s your responsibility as a pet owner to clean up after them.” This polite and necessary action applies universally, whether your dog is relieving itself on a neighbor’s property or in a local park or green space. There are no exceptions to this rule.
Proper disposal is also key. Collected waste should be placed in public trash cans or, if those aren’t available, in your own trash bin at home. Critically, “Don’t put them in a neighbor’s trash.” This small but significant detail reinforces respect for their property and boundaries, ensuring that your efforts to be a good pet owner truly contribute to a harmonious neighborhood rather than just shifting the problem elsewhere.
7. **Asking to borrow your neighbor’s lawn mower**There was a time when asking to borrow a cup of sugar or a tool from a neighbor was a common, almost expected, part of community life. It fostered a sense of interdependence and shared resources. However, modern societal norms have shifted, and while the spirit of neighborly assistance is still cherished, the act of asking to borrow personal items, particularly expensive ones, has largely evolved.
Diane Gottsman notes that “These days, people are much more isolated from one another, and these requests are often seen as a rude intrusion.” The expectation of readily available assistance for material goods has diminished. Unless you have a well-established, genuinely friendly relationship with your neighbor, making such a request can be perceived as an imposition, putting them in an awkward position where they might feel pressured to agree.
This reluctance to lend is especially true for costly items like power tools, machinery, or indeed, a lawn mower. Jan Goss adds that these are often significant investments for homeowners, and asking to borrow them carries implicit risks regarding damage, maintenance, and the general wear and tear of shared use. It’s a far cry from a simple cup of sugar, involving a higher level of trust and responsibility.
The better approach is to prioritize relationship-building first. “Start by building trust with your neighbors and establishing a friendly relationship before asking to borrow things.” If that foundation is firmly in place and you do borrow an item, always go above and beyond to show your appreciation and responsibility. For a lawn mower, that might mean offering to “fill up the tank so you’re making an effort to repay the favor.” And, of course, the unspoken rule of reciprocity applies: be ready to lend your own items or help when asked, reflecting true neighborly support.
